Ripples in the Pattern: A Month of Memories Feb 21, 2013 17:50:04 GMT -8
Post by Jenn on Feb 21, 2013 17:50:04 GMT -8
February is a tough month for me. I’m still too close to my mortal roots for my kindred heart to bear. This is the curse of perfect memory. I can perfectly recall the love and the pain. I know what I’ve left behind. I know what I’ve escaped. Ioseph says that these feelings will fade as the years pass but he doesn’t know—can’t know—how it still affects me.
Perhaps that’s why I recklessly throw myself into my work… If the Cathayans can’t distract me, perhaps Caroline or Mannix or Harkness will.
I dare not whisper the name of the men I’ve loved. Not even in my heart of hearts. If Anastasia knew the emotional sway they both still held over me, she would eliminate the distractions. If she could. Who knows how high they have flown by now?
Husband, whom I love beyond all reason and left to save from my profession—even before I knew of the kindred world, I still miss you. I try not to think of you because, when I do, my damnable perfect memory brings it all back. Sensations, promises, tears. Refusing that last look good-bye as I left.
I was so right to leave you.
Enemy, whom I once loved as a mortal man and savior, sometimes I still miss you. You brought me out of the hell of recovery. Egypt, the first time, killed me within. To think it was a game a kindred was playing that got me caught. To think you, as a man, saved my soul only to try to rip my sanity from me. My damnable perfect memory reminds me of the promises, the pleas, your face revealing the monster within.
I was so right to kill you.
February, I left one.
February, the other came to me in my hospital bed.
February is a month of memories I wish I could forget.