Post by Shah-Khohr of Ventrue on Jan 25, 2014 17:48:10 GMT -8
I am going to preface this by saying many of the opinions listed below are my own personal feelings and will likely offend or piss people off. This is not my intent, I just need a rant to let off some steam. If I offend you and you care about our friendship, please contact me and we can talk about this.
I hate hurt feelings. I hate em.
I hate someone looking at another person and saying "You can't say that because of something in my past!" I hate someone looking at another person and saying "You have to censor yourself around me because of my own frailties!" I hate someone looking at another person and saying "You are inappropriate!"
I hate walking around all day at work and having to choke on the venom I want to spew, or censor the language I wish to use because I am being paid to present a very specific image. I hate it, but I accept it because I am being paid to be there and somehow that makes it more acceptable. I hate it even more when I go to a game where it's reasonably acceptable to play a murderer, rapist, bigot, but it isn't acceptable to make light of these things off camera. I hate the idea that my character can actually rape another character, or murder them, or rob them, but a somehow off-colored joke causes a huge uproar.
I hate your triggers. I hate that your triggers are now my triggers. I hate how, if I don't cuddle and coddle every trigger of everyone I care about, I somehow don't care about them. I hate how people have become incapable of handling their own business and turning to their governing bodies to do so for them. I hate it.
In a perfect world, if I tell a joke that isn't 'appropriate', the offended bodies find me either at the time or later and explain where they are coming from in their offense. In a perfect world, I tell them that I, while very concerned about their personal well being, will likely make these jokes again in the future. Not because I hate this person or wish them pain, but because I have a very specific brand of humor which is terribly dark and I enjoy it a great deal. However, because I care about them I would make an effort to limit these jokes when they're around.
In a perfect world, we would understand that unless a comment is directed at us, it probably wasn't meant to hurt us. In a perfect world, we would be able to express ourselves however we choose to and not be judged for it.
I hate the hypocrisy of 'sensitivity'. I need to be sensitive and aware of all the negative things that have ever happened to any of my friends, but they can't be sensitive to who I am as a person. I hate that others are in some way able to dictate my behavior based on a series of actions I had nothing to do with, or some fantastical buzz-words like 'rape-culture' or 'male-gaze'. I hate this revival of crying; your needs are sacrosanct and everything you do is justified. It's selfish to expect this behavior and it's selfish of me to call you out for it. Calling someone abusive or a rapist when they do not do these things is just as harmful as having your feelings triggered by something you overheard.
I hate this culture of self victimization and the title of rapist being thrown around like we're in Salem. I hate it. I hate listening to it. I hate being around it. I hate it.
And do you know what I do with all that hate? Nothing.
I come to game. When someone tells me that a joke I made hurt their feelings, I give them a hug and apologize. When someone says my behavior is inappropriate, I generally take a step back and give the offended person space to be hurt at me. I try to honor the community as I understand it, because I am generally a much stronger, louder personality then most people I've met. I learned a long time ago that if I didn't handle others carefully, I'd break them. That's my burden, and I try not to put it on other people.
It's a weakness that I care. And I hate that too.
I hate hurt feelings. I hate em.
I hate someone looking at another person and saying "You can't say that because of something in my past!" I hate someone looking at another person and saying "You have to censor yourself around me because of my own frailties!" I hate someone looking at another person and saying "You are inappropriate!"
I hate walking around all day at work and having to choke on the venom I want to spew, or censor the language I wish to use because I am being paid to present a very specific image. I hate it, but I accept it because I am being paid to be there and somehow that makes it more acceptable. I hate it even more when I go to a game where it's reasonably acceptable to play a murderer, rapist, bigot, but it isn't acceptable to make light of these things off camera. I hate the idea that my character can actually rape another character, or murder them, or rob them, but a somehow off-colored joke causes a huge uproar.
I hate your triggers. I hate that your triggers are now my triggers. I hate how, if I don't cuddle and coddle every trigger of everyone I care about, I somehow don't care about them. I hate how people have become incapable of handling their own business and turning to their governing bodies to do so for them. I hate it.
In a perfect world, if I tell a joke that isn't 'appropriate', the offended bodies find me either at the time or later and explain where they are coming from in their offense. In a perfect world, I tell them that I, while very concerned about their personal well being, will likely make these jokes again in the future. Not because I hate this person or wish them pain, but because I have a very specific brand of humor which is terribly dark and I enjoy it a great deal. However, because I care about them I would make an effort to limit these jokes when they're around.
In a perfect world, we would understand that unless a comment is directed at us, it probably wasn't meant to hurt us. In a perfect world, we would be able to express ourselves however we choose to and not be judged for it.
I hate the hypocrisy of 'sensitivity'. I need to be sensitive and aware of all the negative things that have ever happened to any of my friends, but they can't be sensitive to who I am as a person. I hate that others are in some way able to dictate my behavior based on a series of actions I had nothing to do with, or some fantastical buzz-words like 'rape-culture' or 'male-gaze'. I hate this revival of crying; your needs are sacrosanct and everything you do is justified. It's selfish to expect this behavior and it's selfish of me to call you out for it. Calling someone abusive or a rapist when they do not do these things is just as harmful as having your feelings triggered by something you overheard.
I hate this culture of self victimization and the title of rapist being thrown around like we're in Salem. I hate it. I hate listening to it. I hate being around it. I hate it.
And do you know what I do with all that hate? Nothing.
I come to game. When someone tells me that a joke I made hurt their feelings, I give them a hug and apologize. When someone says my behavior is inappropriate, I generally take a step back and give the offended person space to be hurt at me. I try to honor the community as I understand it, because I am generally a much stronger, louder personality then most people I've met. I learned a long time ago that if I didn't handle others carefully, I'd break them. That's my burden, and I try not to put it on other people.
It's a weakness that I care. And I hate that too.