Post by Victor Vaughn on Jan 29, 2014 4:47:40 GMT -8
(Excuse me while I talk about myself briefly.)
As some of you may know, I ran this game as HST from 2001-2003. During my term, there was the same kind of drama, infighting and incestuousness that we have now, but it was done in private, behind closed doors. Everyone needs to vent about things, to talk them out, or sometimes just scream profanities to the heavens to get their feelings out. That is legit.
I left ECC (SBC back then) because there was a staff member that was sexually harassing me, and being a 19 year old kid with little worldly experience, I was embarrassed by him doing so and didn't want to come forward and tell anyone about the affront. For a few weeks I was just going to do my usual thing and be dismissive of it; just grit my teeth and bear it. Eventually, when said person threatened to fire bomb my house because I wasn't being receptive to their advances, I got uncomfortable to the point that I made an excuse and disappeared.
A very select few number of people knew about this person, and me leaving caused them to take action against them. It wasn't enough though. My thoughts of the game were tarnished and by the time I found out that the person was gone, it was too late for me.
I took a ten year sabbatical from the game, still living tangentially to the community. I was roommates with Galen and Aleah. I would have breakfast with Belinda. Brian Young and I would play board games. Nick would drag me out to his place for BBQ's. I would spend a weekend a month with Adam Johnson talking about whatever crazy we had thought up. I'd go to Toni and Aaron's for dinner. Etc.
Eventually, when my wife and I at the time decided to get a divorce, I was left homeless and unemployed, taking 16 credits of school which I had made too much money the year before to qualify for financial aid to pay for. Sarah, Rob, Alaina and Mark welcomed me into their home, three of them barely knowing me, and one whom I was very close with in years past, but had drifted apart from.
I had lost my social circle; most of the ones I had didn't even pick sides, they just stopped talking to both myself and my ex. Rob decided to take it upon himself to drag me back into the fringe of the social scene that had become ECC. During the four months I lived at the house of doors I met most of you, spent time going over nerdy shit, and shared food and drinks. I was moving to Portland in a few months, and I didn't want to get wrapped up in the game, but I did attend a few times.
Fast forward another year. I am living in Vancouver, the middle of bum fuck nowhere. I have no local friends, and I don't do much other than walk 3 miles to the bus stop, go to class, do homework, then head home. Every day. Weekends I spend hiding in my room from my terribly dysfunctional family.
Rob tells me that I should come visit; something I hadn't done in the last year. Eventually I am convinced and I hop on a bus. When I arrive, it's the in the midst of Megan's birthday party, and the House of Doors is packed. So many new faces, so many faces that I hadn't seen in forever. The most jarring thing though was that people made me feel welcome. Like I was missing.
After that weekend, I was harangued to come up again the next weekend and participate in ECC. I was a little apprehensive about it, but I agreed.
I was hooked again immediately. There was exposure to friends, along with gaming that I wasn't getting anywhere. It was worth the six hours on the bus, the fifty bucks round trip and the however much money I spent eating out to come up twice a month. This may not seem like a ton to most of you, but being an unemployed student with engineering physics, differential equations and some programming classes, my "quality" time and my funds were at a premium. But, I made it work.
I make fast friends usually, and many members of this community reached out to me. Why? I am not certain, but I wasn't going to complain. I had places to stay when I was in town, rides to and from the bus, people always willing to spend time with me. Every time I was going to buy a ticket to Seattle, I would get a little tingling of joy and anticipation on the back of my neck because I was going to be HOME.
When Adam passed away, it rocked the whole community pretty hard. Most of you might not know, but Adam and I were very close. He was the best man in my wedding. Seeing everyone come together and rally behind this loss gave me a sense community that I hadn't felt; ever. It was a terrible tragedy, but the things it did to all of us, the way it made us come together was astounding.
Now, here we are. You, me, everyone else.
Back in 2003, there wasn't social media. If you wanted to spit vitriol at your spouse or your friend about someone else, it was ok. If someone else in the community overheard it and was offended by it, that one person maybe told a few other people, but it was contained. We were an insular, vicious group of drama queens. It wasn't perfect but it was ok.
Now, however, the ability to be passive aggressive (or just outright aggressive) over the internet, and the amount of safety that implied anonymity gives you via social media has caused this bile to leak out all over the place.
The amount of name calling, personal attacks, "nanny-nanny boo-boo" shit and just plain conjecture that I have seen spring up over the last 24 hours fucking disgusts me.
The fact that friends of friends can see this, and then input their own personal, uninformed spin on things, is incredibly disconcerting as well.
In the last day, I have had people that I don't even know call me some terrible things. I am a fat-neckbearded social retard, I am a rapist, I am a misogynist, I am idiot. The list goes on.
I've been on staff for 9 days. I wasn't part of the staff when the recent decisions were made. Would I have handled it differently? Probably. That however, isn't the case, and now I am here trying to pick apart a very delicate situation, hear everyone's sides of the story, and deal with the decisions and actions that everyone has ALREADY TAKEN.
What do I get in return? Private apologies and public announcements of my incompetence. Or support of rape culture. Or my misogyny.
The long and short of this is; despite the chaff, until yesterday I was excited to come to Seattle, every week. Now I am dreading my visit on the 8th. This fun game and inviting community has become the number one source of stress in my life, and I don't even live in Seattle.
I can't change one person, let alone a community of them, but I can ask all of you for a few simple things;
Take accountability, be polite, get your information straight, try to see both sides of the conversation, and think before you spit vitriol into the ether of the internet. You can't pull it back once it is out there.
Love,
Joh
As some of you may know, I ran this game as HST from 2001-2003. During my term, there was the same kind of drama, infighting and incestuousness that we have now, but it was done in private, behind closed doors. Everyone needs to vent about things, to talk them out, or sometimes just scream profanities to the heavens to get their feelings out. That is legit.
I left ECC (SBC back then) because there was a staff member that was sexually harassing me, and being a 19 year old kid with little worldly experience, I was embarrassed by him doing so and didn't want to come forward and tell anyone about the affront. For a few weeks I was just going to do my usual thing and be dismissive of it; just grit my teeth and bear it. Eventually, when said person threatened to fire bomb my house because I wasn't being receptive to their advances, I got uncomfortable to the point that I made an excuse and disappeared.
A very select few number of people knew about this person, and me leaving caused them to take action against them. It wasn't enough though. My thoughts of the game were tarnished and by the time I found out that the person was gone, it was too late for me.
I took a ten year sabbatical from the game, still living tangentially to the community. I was roommates with Galen and Aleah. I would have breakfast with Belinda. Brian Young and I would play board games. Nick would drag me out to his place for BBQ's. I would spend a weekend a month with Adam Johnson talking about whatever crazy we had thought up. I'd go to Toni and Aaron's for dinner. Etc.
Eventually, when my wife and I at the time decided to get a divorce, I was left homeless and unemployed, taking 16 credits of school which I had made too much money the year before to qualify for financial aid to pay for. Sarah, Rob, Alaina and Mark welcomed me into their home, three of them barely knowing me, and one whom I was very close with in years past, but had drifted apart from.
I had lost my social circle; most of the ones I had didn't even pick sides, they just stopped talking to both myself and my ex. Rob decided to take it upon himself to drag me back into the fringe of the social scene that had become ECC. During the four months I lived at the house of doors I met most of you, spent time going over nerdy shit, and shared food and drinks. I was moving to Portland in a few months, and I didn't want to get wrapped up in the game, but I did attend a few times.
Fast forward another year. I am living in Vancouver, the middle of bum fuck nowhere. I have no local friends, and I don't do much other than walk 3 miles to the bus stop, go to class, do homework, then head home. Every day. Weekends I spend hiding in my room from my terribly dysfunctional family.
Rob tells me that I should come visit; something I hadn't done in the last year. Eventually I am convinced and I hop on a bus. When I arrive, it's the in the midst of Megan's birthday party, and the House of Doors is packed. So many new faces, so many faces that I hadn't seen in forever. The most jarring thing though was that people made me feel welcome. Like I was missing.
After that weekend, I was harangued to come up again the next weekend and participate in ECC. I was a little apprehensive about it, but I agreed.
I was hooked again immediately. There was exposure to friends, along with gaming that I wasn't getting anywhere. It was worth the six hours on the bus, the fifty bucks round trip and the however much money I spent eating out to come up twice a month. This may not seem like a ton to most of you, but being an unemployed student with engineering physics, differential equations and some programming classes, my "quality" time and my funds were at a premium. But, I made it work.
I make fast friends usually, and many members of this community reached out to me. Why? I am not certain, but I wasn't going to complain. I had places to stay when I was in town, rides to and from the bus, people always willing to spend time with me. Every time I was going to buy a ticket to Seattle, I would get a little tingling of joy and anticipation on the back of my neck because I was going to be HOME.
When Adam passed away, it rocked the whole community pretty hard. Most of you might not know, but Adam and I were very close. He was the best man in my wedding. Seeing everyone come together and rally behind this loss gave me a sense community that I hadn't felt; ever. It was a terrible tragedy, but the things it did to all of us, the way it made us come together was astounding.
Now, here we are. You, me, everyone else.
Back in 2003, there wasn't social media. If you wanted to spit vitriol at your spouse or your friend about someone else, it was ok. If someone else in the community overheard it and was offended by it, that one person maybe told a few other people, but it was contained. We were an insular, vicious group of drama queens. It wasn't perfect but it was ok.
Now, however, the ability to be passive aggressive (or just outright aggressive) over the internet, and the amount of safety that implied anonymity gives you via social media has caused this bile to leak out all over the place.
The amount of name calling, personal attacks, "nanny-nanny boo-boo" shit and just plain conjecture that I have seen spring up over the last 24 hours fucking disgusts me.
The fact that friends of friends can see this, and then input their own personal, uninformed spin on things, is incredibly disconcerting as well.
In the last day, I have had people that I don't even know call me some terrible things. I am a fat-neckbearded social retard, I am a rapist, I am a misogynist, I am idiot. The list goes on.
I've been on staff for 9 days. I wasn't part of the staff when the recent decisions were made. Would I have handled it differently? Probably. That however, isn't the case, and now I am here trying to pick apart a very delicate situation, hear everyone's sides of the story, and deal with the decisions and actions that everyone has ALREADY TAKEN.
What do I get in return? Private apologies and public announcements of my incompetence. Or support of rape culture. Or my misogyny.
The long and short of this is; despite the chaff, until yesterday I was excited to come to Seattle, every week. Now I am dreading my visit on the 8th. This fun game and inviting community has become the number one source of stress in my life, and I don't even live in Seattle.
I can't change one person, let alone a community of them, but I can ask all of you for a few simple things;
Take accountability, be polite, get your information straight, try to see both sides of the conversation, and think before you spit vitriol into the ether of the internet. You can't pull it back once it is out there.
Love,
Joh
)