Defending Domain From University Influence Attacks

[Clark Davis]

So, I get home late. A lot. I go to a chai lounge that has good drinks and free Wifi, that many of my out of game friends frequent. This place closes at midnight, and I walk home every night, from the U district to Wallingford, about two miles, which takes me about 45 minutes, to an hour, depending on my pace that night. It's a very nice walk home.

When you get to my house, there's a single street lamp that brightly lights the intersection of 38th and Ashworth. My walk from the sidewalk to my doorstep is almost completely inky pitch black at night, as a combined side effect of my front yard's garden and our sparse streetlights on my street, but Wallingford's a totally quiet neighborhood.

So imagine my surprise as i'm coming home and i'm on the phone, on my headset, with Lillian, player of Mike Wozencraft in Mage, and I suddenly hear rustling from the foliage, that sounds vaguely like a large raccoon. These are pretty common in my neighborhood. So I flash my cell phone in that direction to light the path. And I can make out large, sneakered feet.

So, i'm like, "Uh, hang on Lily... Excuse me. Hey, buddy? Can I help you with something?" in that annoyed, surprised tone that's code for "Like not stomping your kidneys for being on my fucking property at 1 am." He didn't say anything, but did rustle in response. Then his cell phone went off, and he calmly picked it up and sat up.

He looked like some drunk college student, waylaid from his journey to from some bar in Fremont, in the direction of 45th street.

He calmly answered his phone with, "Oh, hey. Yeah, I'm in some dude's yard. He's asking if he can help me with something." A pause. "Oh, yeah, sure..." and he looked at me and said, "Uh, hey, dude? Here you go." and hands me his phone.

I take it in the other ear, still on the line with Lily in my right ear on my headset, and the guy on the other end is his friend, who is significantly more sober and very glad I safely found his friend, and apologized profusely, saying that his friend got drunk and ran off and he was trying to find him.

And so, he gave me the cross street he was at, 36th and woodlawn, two blocks away, and I told him mine, and how to get over. At this point, I was irritated but vaguely amused.

Meanwhile, dude's getting up and stumbling out and I'm like, "Hey, hey buddy, this way." and go back to the phone where I tell his friend, "Yeah, yeah, I'm getting your friend to the cross street, I'll have him lean on a post right under a street lamp... Hey! Buddy! Lean right here."

The drunken young man obliges.

I return to the phone and tell his I tell his friend, "Yeah, you wanna go up to 38th and go west. Uh huh. No, that's Carr street, that's sort of like an alley, you wanna go one more over. Right, yeah. Yeah, he's standing against the lamp post." By this time his buddy is profusely thanking me and I'm like, "Yeah, yeah, it's, uh, it's all good, whatever man, no problem. Listen, I'm giving you back to your buddy. Yeah. Yeah. You take care. Uh huh. Yeah. Goodnight."

I go inside and Lily pauses for a long time before finally saying. "Okay, the universe NEVER pulls that shit on me."

[Barnaby Cuthbert]

Huh. You know it's a good thing the dude crouching in the bushes wasn't a mugger.

[Clark Davis]

scion said:

Huh. You know it's a good thing the dude crouching in the bushes wasn't a mugger.

He wasn't crouched in the bushes. He was sprawled out on my walkway to the porch.

I was kind of happy he wasn't dead. That shit's hard to dispose of.

[Ross]

byoung said:

I was kind of happy he wasn't dead. That shit's hard to dispose of.

Woodchipper.

That's all I gotta say.

[Clark Davis]

The guy was probably twice the size of Steve Buscemi and I don't own one.

[Shah-Khohr of Ventrue]

<Dakotian Accent> And that was your friend in the chipper?

[Ross]

Oh yah.

You betcha.

[Thornstar]

Proper disposal of body:
1. Cut limbs into smallish bits with sawzall, approximately 3" sections.
2. Lay flat and strike bone in center of "slice" with mallet until bone is crushed.
3. Blend result on high with 1qt water. Set aside.
4. After removing head from body, cut skull in half, width wise, as if you were seperating the lobes of the brain.
5. Cut resultant skull hemispheres into sections, as with limbs.
6. Strike sections of skull with mallet until bones are broken, taking extra time to break teeth out of jaw. Remove teeth, set aside.
7. Remove organs and blend with equal parts water. Set aside.
8. Section ribs and spine, crushing with mallet until bones bits are very fine.
9. Blend result with equal part water, set aside.
10. Section pelvis, treat as ribs / spine.
11. Take resultant slurry from earlier steps and combine, or keep in seperate containers for ease of handling.
12. Either flush small amounts through your toilet for months, or fine a storm sewer in an abandonened storm drain, preferrably during a heavy rain.
13. Burn containers, treat ash with ammonia. Keep a bucket of water and a shovel near by. Only you can prevent forest fires.
14. Replace blender before significant other notices. Treat old blender with ammonia, clean and discard. In case of significant other's death previous to step one, ignore time restraint.
15. Take a break. You've earned it!

[Pete Jones]

aaron said:

Proper disposal of body:
1. Cut limbs into smallish bits with sawzall, approximately 3" sections.
2. Lay flat and strike bone in center of "slice" with mallet until bone is crushed.
3. Blend result on high with 1qt water. Set aside.
4. After removing head from body, cut skull in half, width wise, as if you were seperating the lobes of the brain.
5. Cut resultant skull hemispheres into sections, as with limbs.
6. Strike sections of skull with mallet until bones are broken, taking extra time to break teeth out of jaw. Remove teeth, set aside.
7. Remove organs and blend with equal parts water. Set aside.
8. Section ribs and spine, crushing with mallet until bones bits are very fine.
9. Blend result with equal part water, set aside.
10. Section pelvis, treat as ribs / spine.
11. Take resultant slurry from earlier steps and combine, or keep in seperate containers for ease of handling.
12. Either flush small amounts through your toilet for months, or fine a storm sewer in an abandonened storm drain, preferrably during a heavy rain.
13. Burn containers, treat ash with ammonia. Keep a bucket of water and a shovel near by. Only you can prevent forest fires.
14. Replace blender before significant other notices. Treat old blender with ammonia, clean and discard. In case of significant other's death previous to step one, ignore time restraint.
15. Take a break. You've earned it!

Sounds like you have experience with this sort of thing, is there something that you should be telling us?

[Victoria Nania]

Dude.......
Been thinking about this much?

[Clark Davis]

victoria said:

Dude.......
Been thinking about this much?

...Says the Euthanatos.

[Thornstar]

I just like to plan ahead. I'm an Eagle Scout.

[Pete Jones]

aaron said:

I just like to plan ahead. I'm an Eagle Scout.

If you're an Eagle Scout, I'm kinda glad that I didn't continue Scouting. I probably would've had the same thought process as you with disposal of bodies.

[dustinyuri]

So that's what they teach in Scouts. Stupid parents. Knowing what you guys learned I am kinda jelous I didn't get to go...

[The Snow Fox]

-ponders her time in the girl scouts-
So... yeah, 8 years.

I can make a fire, cook italian over a campfire, make awesome random stuff out of pipe cleaners, hot glue and tissue paper....

And guilt people into buying ten calendars for no real reason. And cookies. Oh, oh how I learned to hawk them.

[Pete Jones]

snowfox said:

-ponders her time in the girl scouts-
So... yeah, 8 years.

I can make a fire, cook italian over a campfire, make awesome random stuff out of pipe cleaners, hot glue and tissue paper....

And guilt people into buying ten calendars for no real reason. And cookies. Oh, oh how I learned to hawk them.

Yeah, I guess that they teach the Girl scouts the domestic useful things, while they teach the other stuff to the Boy scouts.

[Thornstar]

I can make a fire, too. I can cook italians over a campfire, too. I can also damage tissue with pipecleaners and hot glue.

But we sold popcorn. I guess there's not really that much difference between the girl and boy scouts, other than the whole gender thing.

And fun.


And rifles.

And shotguns and traps and butane bombs and how to tie a noose and self-sufficiency and bad spelling and grammar.



But, yeah. I think they're both about the same level of "I am bound to be a social outcast at a young age, then, more successful due to the trials of my youth."

Oh, what we would have done to girl scouts at that age... but I digress. Im going to sleep now. I have a long day of pounding and grating and blending... Er... going to see Thomas the Tank Engine, I mean... ahead of me.

[Pete Jones]

aaron said:

I can make a fire, too. I can cook italians over a campfire, too. I can also damage tissue with pipecleaners and hot glue.

But we sold popcorn. I guess there's not really that much difference between the girl and boy scouts, other than the whole gender thing.

And fun.


And rifles.

And shotguns and traps and butane bombs and how to tie a noose and self-sufficiency and bad spelling and grammar.



But, yeah. I think they're both about the same level of "I am bound to be a social outcast at a young age, then, more successful due to the trials of my youth."

Oh, what we would have done to girl scouts at that age... but I digress. Im going to sleep now. I have a long day of pounding and grating and blending... Er... going to see Thomas the Tank Engine, I mean... ahead of me.

Deep Woods Off makes an excellent flamethrower. I had lots of fun when I was a Boy scout, but I prefer not to remember everything that happened back then.

[Shah-Khohr of Ventrue]

werewolfjoeb said:

aaron said:

I can make a fire, too. I can cook italians over a campfire, too. I can also damage tissue with pipecleaners and hot glue.

But we sold popcorn. I guess there's not really that much difference between the girl and boy scouts, other than the whole gender thing.

And fun.


And rifles.

And shotguns and traps and butane bombs and how to tie a noose and self-sufficiency and bad spelling and grammar.



But, yeah. I think they're both about the same level of "I am bound to be a social outcast at a young age, then, more successful due to the trials of my youth."

Oh, what we would have done to girl scouts at that age... but I digress. Im going to sleep now. I have a long day of pounding and grating and blending... Er... going to see Thomas the Tank Engine, I mean... ahead of me.

Deep Woods Off makes an excellent flamethrower. I had lots of fun when I was a Boy scout, but I prefer not to remember everything that happened back then.

What happens behind closed tent flaps stays behind closed tent flaps.

[Steve]

honor said:

What happens behind closed tent flaps stays behind closed tent flaps.

And, if I may, I will now add the obligatory... "Giggity."