Post by Webmonkey on Sept 7, 2017 15:38:51 GMT -8
To begin, I have changed nothing about email availability, message boards availability, or any such things. If someone has told you I have, or that my services are not available, they are incorrect. The same services for message boards, email, websites, social media, etc. that have been available are still available.
Moving on. I was recently banned from the vampire game for the remainder of Wolf Conn's run as the Vampire HST.
In addition to the ban, Wolf has spoken to the other sphere HSTs withoutmy consent about my role as a web developer, email handler, etc. for the various games. Again, I wish to say that this was without my authority or consent. If Wolf Conn has spoken to you about my intentions, about my role and service to these games in any way, he is choosing to do so without my agreement or consent. I know this, because I have not told him what my intentions are related to this volunteer role.
Related to my ban from Vampire: I don't know exactly what he's said to folks about the reasons why, but here's my perspective:
In 2016 Wolf Conn ran for HST. He made his intent to remove me from the role of serving the vampire game's websites by obtaining volunteers to build a new vampire website from folks that I was estranged from, due to a recent breakup (at the time, as I said, this was almost a year ago). He did this in relative secret from me, whether intentionally or not. In other words, he, as part of his campaign promise when running for HST to at least some, indicated to others that he wanted me to no longer serve the community in these ways. I didn't know this until recently. This doesn't particularly bother me, thought the secrecy seems shady.
I am a volunteer. I offer my help where I can for the games benefits, not for his. I will continue to offer it after he's no longer an HST (in a few months). It will be up to those folks to decide which, if any services they use.
Not knowing that Wolf had decided (in secret? It felt like?) to part with my volunteer services over a year ago, I continued to offer those services to the vampire sphere (and all other spheres) in good faith. In the case of vampire, that included the Facebook page, the Google-based Video page, the vampire websie, the message board permissions, email address forwarding, etc. I did so for all other spheres in any capacity they wished (which varied - for most spheres it's just email and message boards).
For reasons I am not sure about, that side-website initiative didn't pan out. I have no idea why because I didn't even know it was a thing until last week. I believe that my recent disagreements with Wolf and Staff have led him to try to make good on his campaign promise, and to try to foist that on the other spheres as well. Again, this is without my permission or consent. He never spoke about his intentions either EDIT: A YEAR AGO, and again, that's ok. He's not required to do so. I consider it to be courteous if he had done so. That's not a courtesy he felt it neccessary to afford me. That's sort of between he and I, honestly. If you personally knew about this EDIT: A YEAR AGO and you didn't say something to me, that might be because you were told not to, or it might be because you were complicit and thought it was a grand idea, it doesn't really matter, nothing came of it anyway. This is just a data point to me that I feel is important to the result.
PAUSE: REALITY CHECK
To be clear, none of the spheres HSTs require my permission or consent to use my services. Again, I offer my assistance with websites as a service to these games, because I earnestly hold them and most of their players in high esteem, and for the few that I don't, they get those benefits equally. A website just is. It doesn't care if you've hurt my feelings or not. If you have the internet, you can use it. If the owners of the content (the various storytellers) wish to ask me to change it, they may, and I do. That's all there is to it. I don't have a lot of ego associated with that. I do have pride in my volunteer work, however, and it's this pride that I suspect some wish to harm.
More specificlly I do it because I feel that people deeply need safe spaces in this world. I may be a white straight dude, but I empathise deeply with the plight of those who are not of my race, my gender, my income status, and my orientation. EC has always been inclusive. White Wolf set that tone in the 90's. I for sure carry that torch. I believe that not doing so is the same as approving of the opposite.
But I digress, my disagreement with Wolf Conn was two-fold:
1. I used my webmonkey powers to put what I thought was a fun, in-character old-timey newspaper style harpy report on the facebook page in an 'album' format. This was the only format appropriate to the style of post, a scrollable couple of images. As the 'talon' a sub-dude of the Harpies, I wrote rumors and scandals and stuff in a creative way that were given to me in-character. Wolf contacted me and told me that it looked as if the post had come from staff. I apologised, admitted he was right about that and added in bold print "THIS COMES FROM A PLAYER, NOT STAFF" to the posts. There was some back and forth about alternatives that was cordial, but didn't quite fit the technical need.
I didn't take Wolf's admonition as a commmand. I thought we were having a conversation.
I continued this practice. About the fourth time, the tone from staff changed to what I would call extremely hostile, and even unprofessional. I was genuinely surprised by this. I made something creative, I labled it apropriately, and, pardon my french, but suddenly SHIT GOT CRAY. One staffer who I've been close friends with was INCENSED by this apparent lack of respect to the point where he would not even speak to me about why he was angry. He stormed out of an unrelated house tabletop game over it and I honestly had no idea (and still really don't) what made him flip out. I engaged a player advocate at this point, and he essentially agreed whole heartedly with staff that I was way out of line. I didn't agree, and I felt the PA was biased. I felt pretty unheard. I was confused by the venom.
2. My second disagreement was about a matter of unprofessional behavior by Wolf Conn and one of his ASTs. It was a blatant, public bit of rudeness that I had called out previously to staff in private, and they had corected (I believed) until this incident. Calling that unprofessionalism out again, using it as an example of similar unprofessionalism seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back. The staff claimed that I had abused them. The ban - one that I haven't seen since someone was caught cheating multiple times was placed into effect AND I was told that 'my services were no longer required' by the staff related to websites and emails.
This is in line with what I intend to keep doing. I will provide help to those who want it. I won't for those who don't. My feelings about the current vampire staff are mixed. Some folks I like, some folks I don't, all told, I think most of this drama is a bit silly. People's feelings are not silly. They deserve consideration, but the reasoning behind this is ridiculously overblown to me. It feels really petty.
And the hits keep coming.
So here is what I want to say related to all of these events:
I serve at the pleasure of the players, because it is what I can do to help. I will keep doing so as long as anyone wishes for me to do so. I like doing it, I have a sense of pride in it.
I don't appreciate the 'power moves' going on behind my back by some, but I understand it. Part of it likely stems from the idea that I will react to the mistreatment by a small few in a larger, petty way.
I'm not going to be petty about this. It's not my best self. I'm also not going to roll over. In the past when people said awful things about me that were untrue I was suffering from clinical depression. I couldn't speak up because I was in the throes of a real disease and I didn't have the spoons. That time has past. I will not allow myself to be anyone's whipping boy, as the phrase goes.
I encourage you, if you care, to speak to me about these events. Wolf Conn has also made himself available to speak about them, in private. I believe that this allows Wolf Conn to express himself perhaps slightly differently to each person as best befits his personality. I feel that way because of several ways that Wolf Conn has breached my trust in the past, both personally and professionally.
I will speak to whomever wishes, both in this public forum, or in person.
I will not shut down emails, wipe websites, or deride anyone who is working to build, as I once did, something new for the games that showcases thier creativity and their wish to serve. Good for them! Want some tips? Come talk to me. Or don't! Totally fine.
We don't need staff's permission to make fun things; I still believe that strongly. Staff thinks we really, super do right now. This all began as a creative excercise for me. I learned a lot from it. I'm pleased to keep doing it, however if there are creative folks who would like to build things, not out of spite, but out of a sense of fun and interest, badassed. Do it. I would never stand in the way of that. Authority chest-puffing always gets a serious side eye from me though.
I have power, and so do you. I use that power to serve. I believe that Wolf Conn is kinda focused more on using it to control right now, or to punish or to move control or take away control. That's all a shell game and it yeilds nothing of use but serves to forment drama in my opinion. I hope that will change in the future.
In his last email to me, Wolf Conn stated that he was sorry for our irreconcilable differences. The thing is, Wolf Conn never offered reconcilliation, and it seems from his campaign promises, he sorta seemed to have been counting on the idea that would be none. That's a shame. I'm a pretty forgiving person if that's what's asked for. That didn't happen.
Wolf Conn and his staff are doing a difficult, thankless job, and they are mostly doing pretty great at it. I'm sorry - truly, that I made it harder for them. I really did not intend that. I really just intended to make something fun and interesting. Something creative. I wanted it to be ok for me to use my webmonkey powers to do that. It's clear that for whatever reasons it REALLY SUPER WASN'T to some people.
Publically: MY BAD. Seriously. I know what my intentions were, and they were not the level of stress and strain - or anything close to it, that it has apparently caused.
Whatever you might think you know about me, know this, and friends and enemies and frenemies alike will all agree on this:
I do what I do to try to serve this community. I believe in it. I believe it can be healed of it's past hurts. I believe that the people who work hard at it should be lauded. I believe that the people who depend on it to be there for them should be cared for, and I believe that the people who step out of their lane a little to help others and make it a better environment for others should be cherished, that includes the storytellers, creatives, the behind the scene-ers, the donators, the clean-uppers, and just the dedicated rp-ers that choose to show up each week. Nobody can keep up spiteful actions for a long period of time, it's too exhausting.
On money and power: I have paid for the domains www.emeraldchronicles.com, www.emeraldcitychronicles.com, www.emeraldseptchronicles.com from my own pocket for years. Years ago, the vampire staff asked NOTR to pitch in on their website because it's large and multimedia and a bit more expensive, and there's (somewhere) a NOTR ammendment to that end, that NOTR will help pay for it if they can afford it. I asked someone to send me a copy of that ammendment, but the officers have not done so. It doesn't matter, NOTR is just a bill paying entity, nothing more. It's not the boss of anyone or anything but that and seeing that someone does the haunted house. Believe it or not, I voted against that ammendment at the time, the sole dissenter. I was surprised when the NOTR board then applauded me. In retrospect I'm glad I made that bargain, because there have been times here and there where I was broke and couldn't afford it by myself, and I might have tried to anyway.
I have enjoyed many of the stories from Wolf, (many, not all, because some were not finished) I have enjoyed uniquivocally, all of the stories from Jono, from Shayne, from Justin G, (and from Arthur when still part of staff). As storytellers, they have been excellent. My beef with any of them is not on these grounds at all. I hope you get the opportunity to hear a tale from them sometime. There's one other ST in there that does a great job of managing the paper table. Props for that.
So that's what's going on from my perspective. I was honestly surprised by this drama and blowback and struggled with it. So I igured it's best to lay my cards on the table. That's what happens in a fair game. My fondest wish is that others would do so as well, somewhat kindly.
I urge you rather than saying NU UHHHH! or mean things to what I've said, to engage in a dialogue. In person or in this forum, with me. If you care at all about healing this community and not formenting chaos, this or in person is your forum for that.
I also urge you not to diverge into name calling. I urge you not to manufacture a way to be anonymous and fire barbs behind closed doors. Seriously, anonymity is the death of discourse. Let's talk. There are strong emotions. Have them. Then come back here and speak once they are less loud.
Or, if you can't do any of those things, how about just chill and watch and decide for yourself instead of listening to the rumor mill. In my estimation, if people have something to say to you in secret, it's because they don't want their personal agenda to be exposed, or they are feeling vulnerable in some other way. Make room for those that are hurting, give no space for those who are looking for a way to pour poison in your ear, and sharply question the agenda of anybody that says they know better than those directly involved.
Thank you for reading, listening, caring & speaking.
- Chris Schetzle
Post Script:
I created a safe space for myself and others on social media that allowed me to vent and deal with anxiety and depression. Some folks thought it would be ok to pass that venting around. In it, I vented, I was petty, and I used that space to come to grips with my emotional responses. It's possible that you might have seen some of that. So I give you that context: It was a release valve, and I deserved the opportunity to speak about my emotions in a safe setting before deciding on a more public course of action. If you can't respect that, I don't know what to say other than to request that you please stop formenting drama.
Moving on. I was recently banned from the vampire game for the remainder of Wolf Conn's run as the Vampire HST.
In addition to the ban, Wolf has spoken to the other sphere HSTs withoutmy consent about my role as a web developer, email handler, etc. for the various games. Again, I wish to say that this was without my authority or consent. If Wolf Conn has spoken to you about my intentions, about my role and service to these games in any way, he is choosing to do so without my agreement or consent. I know this, because I have not told him what my intentions are related to this volunteer role.
Related to my ban from Vampire: I don't know exactly what he's said to folks about the reasons why, but here's my perspective:
In 2016 Wolf Conn ran for HST. He made his intent to remove me from the role of serving the vampire game's websites by obtaining volunteers to build a new vampire website from folks that I was estranged from, due to a recent breakup (at the time, as I said, this was almost a year ago). He did this in relative secret from me, whether intentionally or not. In other words, he, as part of his campaign promise when running for HST to at least some, indicated to others that he wanted me to no longer serve the community in these ways. I didn't know this until recently. This doesn't particularly bother me, thought the secrecy seems shady.
I am a volunteer. I offer my help where I can for the games benefits, not for his. I will continue to offer it after he's no longer an HST (in a few months). It will be up to those folks to decide which, if any services they use.
Not knowing that Wolf had decided (in secret? It felt like?) to part with my volunteer services over a year ago, I continued to offer those services to the vampire sphere (and all other spheres) in good faith. In the case of vampire, that included the Facebook page, the Google-based Video page, the vampire websie, the message board permissions, email address forwarding, etc. I did so for all other spheres in any capacity they wished (which varied - for most spheres it's just email and message boards).
For reasons I am not sure about, that side-website initiative didn't pan out. I have no idea why because I didn't even know it was a thing until last week. I believe that my recent disagreements with Wolf and Staff have led him to try to make good on his campaign promise, and to try to foist that on the other spheres as well. Again, this is without my permission or consent. He never spoke about his intentions either EDIT: A YEAR AGO, and again, that's ok. He's not required to do so. I consider it to be courteous if he had done so. That's not a courtesy he felt it neccessary to afford me. That's sort of between he and I, honestly. If you personally knew about this EDIT: A YEAR AGO and you didn't say something to me, that might be because you were told not to, or it might be because you were complicit and thought it was a grand idea, it doesn't really matter, nothing came of it anyway. This is just a data point to me that I feel is important to the result.
PAUSE: REALITY CHECK
To be clear, none of the spheres HSTs require my permission or consent to use my services. Again, I offer my assistance with websites as a service to these games, because I earnestly hold them and most of their players in high esteem, and for the few that I don't, they get those benefits equally. A website just is. It doesn't care if you've hurt my feelings or not. If you have the internet, you can use it. If the owners of the content (the various storytellers) wish to ask me to change it, they may, and I do. That's all there is to it. I don't have a lot of ego associated with that. I do have pride in my volunteer work, however, and it's this pride that I suspect some wish to harm.
More specificlly I do it because I feel that people deeply need safe spaces in this world. I may be a white straight dude, but I empathise deeply with the plight of those who are not of my race, my gender, my income status, and my orientation. EC has always been inclusive. White Wolf set that tone in the 90's. I for sure carry that torch. I believe that not doing so is the same as approving of the opposite.
But I digress, my disagreement with Wolf Conn was two-fold:
1. I used my webmonkey powers to put what I thought was a fun, in-character old-timey newspaper style harpy report on the facebook page in an 'album' format. This was the only format appropriate to the style of post, a scrollable couple of images. As the 'talon' a sub-dude of the Harpies, I wrote rumors and scandals and stuff in a creative way that were given to me in-character. Wolf contacted me and told me that it looked as if the post had come from staff. I apologised, admitted he was right about that and added in bold print "THIS COMES FROM A PLAYER, NOT STAFF" to the posts. There was some back and forth about alternatives that was cordial, but didn't quite fit the technical need.
I didn't take Wolf's admonition as a commmand. I thought we were having a conversation.
I continued this practice. About the fourth time, the tone from staff changed to what I would call extremely hostile, and even unprofessional. I was genuinely surprised by this. I made something creative, I labled it apropriately, and, pardon my french, but suddenly SHIT GOT CRAY. One staffer who I've been close friends with was INCENSED by this apparent lack of respect to the point where he would not even speak to me about why he was angry. He stormed out of an unrelated house tabletop game over it and I honestly had no idea (and still really don't) what made him flip out. I engaged a player advocate at this point, and he essentially agreed whole heartedly with staff that I was way out of line. I didn't agree, and I felt the PA was biased. I felt pretty unheard. I was confused by the venom.
2. My second disagreement was about a matter of unprofessional behavior by Wolf Conn and one of his ASTs. It was a blatant, public bit of rudeness that I had called out previously to staff in private, and they had corected (I believed) until this incident. Calling that unprofessionalism out again, using it as an example of similar unprofessionalism seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back. The staff claimed that I had abused them. The ban - one that I haven't seen since someone was caught cheating multiple times was placed into effect AND I was told that 'my services were no longer required' by the staff related to websites and emails.
- I have accepted the ban, though I think it is over the top and out of line. 1
- I have asked for a staffer other than the HST to speak with me. So far I have been ignored.
- I have done nothing about any websites or emails except to continue to assist other spheres where they have asked for it, setting up the werewolf emails for Dean and crew.
This is in line with what I intend to keep doing. I will provide help to those who want it. I won't for those who don't. My feelings about the current vampire staff are mixed. Some folks I like, some folks I don't, all told, I think most of this drama is a bit silly. People's feelings are not silly. They deserve consideration, but the reasoning behind this is ridiculously overblown to me. It feels really petty.
- I learned about Wolf Conn's campaign promises, the alternate website, and those involved in it. (I'm mad at NOBODY for this - please lets get that clear - there is no mean spirited ill will from this side about that.)
- I learned that people had been bending one of the staff's ear about me in the negative for weeks at a time, to the point of white hot frustration apparently.
- I've learned that Wolf Conn has contacted all of the other HSTs to tell them (I guess) not to use my services, using his position of authority at NOTR (which is not an authority by the way, they are a bill-paying entity only).
And the hits keep coming.
So here is what I want to say related to all of these events:
I serve at the pleasure of the players, because it is what I can do to help. I will keep doing so as long as anyone wishes for me to do so. I like doing it, I have a sense of pride in it.
I don't appreciate the 'power moves' going on behind my back by some, but I understand it. Part of it likely stems from the idea that I will react to the mistreatment by a small few in a larger, petty way.
I'm not going to be petty about this. It's not my best self. I'm also not going to roll over. In the past when people said awful things about me that were untrue I was suffering from clinical depression. I couldn't speak up because I was in the throes of a real disease and I didn't have the spoons. That time has past. I will not allow myself to be anyone's whipping boy, as the phrase goes.
I encourage you, if you care, to speak to me about these events. Wolf Conn has also made himself available to speak about them, in private. I believe that this allows Wolf Conn to express himself perhaps slightly differently to each person as best befits his personality. I feel that way because of several ways that Wolf Conn has breached my trust in the past, both personally and professionally.
I will speak to whomever wishes, both in this public forum, or in person.
I will not shut down emails, wipe websites, or deride anyone who is working to build, as I once did, something new for the games that showcases thier creativity and their wish to serve. Good for them! Want some tips? Come talk to me. Or don't! Totally fine.
We don't need staff's permission to make fun things; I still believe that strongly. Staff thinks we really, super do right now. This all began as a creative excercise for me. I learned a lot from it. I'm pleased to keep doing it, however if there are creative folks who would like to build things, not out of spite, but out of a sense of fun and interest, badassed. Do it. I would never stand in the way of that. Authority chest-puffing always gets a serious side eye from me though.
I have power, and so do you. I use that power to serve. I believe that Wolf Conn is kinda focused more on using it to control right now, or to punish or to move control or take away control. That's all a shell game and it yeilds nothing of use but serves to forment drama in my opinion. I hope that will change in the future.
In his last email to me, Wolf Conn stated that he was sorry for our irreconcilable differences. The thing is, Wolf Conn never offered reconcilliation, and it seems from his campaign promises, he sorta seemed to have been counting on the idea that would be none. That's a shame. I'm a pretty forgiving person if that's what's asked for. That didn't happen.
Wolf Conn and his staff are doing a difficult, thankless job, and they are mostly doing pretty great at it. I'm sorry - truly, that I made it harder for them. I really did not intend that. I really just intended to make something fun and interesting. Something creative. I wanted it to be ok for me to use my webmonkey powers to do that. It's clear that for whatever reasons it REALLY SUPER WASN'T to some people.
Publically: MY BAD. Seriously. I know what my intentions were, and they were not the level of stress and strain - or anything close to it, that it has apparently caused.
Whatever you might think you know about me, know this, and friends and enemies and frenemies alike will all agree on this:
I do what I do to try to serve this community. I believe in it. I believe it can be healed of it's past hurts. I believe that the people who work hard at it should be lauded. I believe that the people who depend on it to be there for them should be cared for, and I believe that the people who step out of their lane a little to help others and make it a better environment for others should be cherished, that includes the storytellers, creatives, the behind the scene-ers, the donators, the clean-uppers, and just the dedicated rp-ers that choose to show up each week. Nobody can keep up spiteful actions for a long period of time, it's too exhausting.
On money and power: I have paid for the domains www.emeraldchronicles.com, www.emeraldcitychronicles.com, www.emeraldseptchronicles.com from my own pocket for years. Years ago, the vampire staff asked NOTR to pitch in on their website because it's large and multimedia and a bit more expensive, and there's (somewhere) a NOTR ammendment to that end, that NOTR will help pay for it if they can afford it. I asked someone to send me a copy of that ammendment, but the officers have not done so. It doesn't matter, NOTR is just a bill paying entity, nothing more. It's not the boss of anyone or anything but that and seeing that someone does the haunted house. Believe it or not, I voted against that ammendment at the time, the sole dissenter. I was surprised when the NOTR board then applauded me. In retrospect I'm glad I made that bargain, because there have been times here and there where I was broke and couldn't afford it by myself, and I might have tried to anyway.
I have enjoyed many of the stories from Wolf, (many, not all, because some were not finished) I have enjoyed uniquivocally, all of the stories from Jono, from Shayne, from Justin G, (and from Arthur when still part of staff). As storytellers, they have been excellent. My beef with any of them is not on these grounds at all. I hope you get the opportunity to hear a tale from them sometime. There's one other ST in there that does a great job of managing the paper table. Props for that.
So that's what's going on from my perspective. I was honestly surprised by this drama and blowback and struggled with it. So I igured it's best to lay my cards on the table. That's what happens in a fair game. My fondest wish is that others would do so as well, somewhat kindly.
I urge you rather than saying NU UHHHH! or mean things to what I've said, to engage in a dialogue. In person or in this forum, with me. If you care at all about healing this community and not formenting chaos, this or in person is your forum for that.
I also urge you not to diverge into name calling. I urge you not to manufacture a way to be anonymous and fire barbs behind closed doors. Seriously, anonymity is the death of discourse. Let's talk. There are strong emotions. Have them. Then come back here and speak once they are less loud.
Or, if you can't do any of those things, how about just chill and watch and decide for yourself instead of listening to the rumor mill. In my estimation, if people have something to say to you in secret, it's because they don't want their personal agenda to be exposed, or they are feeling vulnerable in some other way. Make room for those that are hurting, give no space for those who are looking for a way to pour poison in your ear, and sharply question the agenda of anybody that says they know better than those directly involved.
There are people with legitimate beef out there with me, not related to this issue. This is not your soapbox. If you want to TALK about something unrelated, some way you feel that you've been wronged, some apology I've tendered that you didn't think went far enough, that's not what this is for. I *probably* would be happy to have that other dialoge with you, just not here. If you wanted me to have that dialogue with you earlier and I didn't, it's probably because I was suffering from depression and didn't have the spoons, i.e. for those of you who blessedly don't know what that even means: it probably wasn't about you.
Thank you for reading, listening, caring & speaking.
- Chris Schetzle
Post Script:
I created a safe space for myself and others on social media that allowed me to vent and deal with anxiety and depression. Some folks thought it would be ok to pass that venting around. In it, I vented, I was petty, and I used that space to come to grips with my emotional responses. It's possible that you might have seen some of that. So I give you that context: It was a release valve, and I deserved the opportunity to speak about my emotions in a safe setting before deciding on a more public course of action. If you can't respect that, I don't know what to say other than to request that you please stop formenting drama.