Post by Lily Esther Allen on Dec 20, 2010 18:18:19 GMT -8
(I know that to those people this is really for will not actually read this, cause none of them play at ECC, but I really need to say this)
“He would want you to laugh”, I think I am going to snap.
I know that these people are well meaning… but, let me grieve my way please.
Each person grieves in their own way, some cry, some cannot stop telling amusing, or they think amusing stories about the person, some want to rant and break things, some even want to ignore the issue until some time has past so that it is not so hard to deal with it. Some people are a combination of ways. No way is wrong. And I will never tell someone that their way of grieving is wrong, or imply it.
I am a crier. And you know what? He knew that. He accepted that about me and never told me any kind of version of basically “buck up”, cause that is what some people are doing. Telling me I should, not, cry. He would have tried some other way to help, a hug, a stupid/silly story, a sad but understanding look. He never was good at some of these things but he let me cry.
I am sorry that some people are uncomfortable with other people crying around them. But I need to grieve about him dying too young, I need to grieve for his young children, that his grandchild will never know him. I need to grieve for his wife of too few years that I have known far longer than almost anyone else in our group. I need to grieve for all the little things, the big things and all the things in-between.
So if I am seen being melancholy, please don’t say to me he would want me to smile, instead maybe, tell me a silly/stupid story. If I am seen crying, give me a pat on the shoulder, or a hug or leave me alone, because I would prefer that more being told yet again he would rather have me laugh.
“He would want you to laugh”, I think I am going to snap.
I know that these people are well meaning… but, let me grieve my way please.
Each person grieves in their own way, some cry, some cannot stop telling amusing, or they think amusing stories about the person, some want to rant and break things, some even want to ignore the issue until some time has past so that it is not so hard to deal with it. Some people are a combination of ways. No way is wrong. And I will never tell someone that their way of grieving is wrong, or imply it.
I am a crier. And you know what? He knew that. He accepted that about me and never told me any kind of version of basically “buck up”, cause that is what some people are doing. Telling me I should, not, cry. He would have tried some other way to help, a hug, a stupid/silly story, a sad but understanding look. He never was good at some of these things but he let me cry.
I am sorry that some people are uncomfortable with other people crying around them. But I need to grieve about him dying too young, I need to grieve for his young children, that his grandchild will never know him. I need to grieve for his wife of too few years that I have known far longer than almost anyone else in our group. I need to grieve for all the little things, the big things and all the things in-between.
So if I am seen being melancholy, please don’t say to me he would want me to smile, instead maybe, tell me a silly/stupid story. If I am seen crying, give me a pat on the shoulder, or a hug or leave me alone, because I would prefer that more being told yet again he would rather have me laugh.
