Post by Fiona on Sept 22, 2013 20:21:35 GMT -8
A good chunk of this was actually me talking to a friend who knows pretty much nothing about ECC. As I was IMing with her, I realized that I was ranting and not in a bad way. I've been running depressed lately; this is a thing, it happens. A side effect of that was missing a lot of the drama surrounding the whole murder of the upper court. I finally got around to reading the boards and saw Aaron's open letter of apology. And read it twice. I hadn't realized just how much bitterness I'd been carrying about some things until I read that. It helped a lot to read it.
It's interesting to see the game changing. Each staff takes on the game in different states with different goals and does the best they can. Like most elected politics, the staffs tend to be either a "let's continue things" platform after a good year or a "let's fix things" after a bad one. But even "bad years" happen for a reason and mean a lot of work for a lot of people. And a bad year for one player might be the best year for another. It's hard to keep that all in mind when you are in the middle of it though, frustrated or bored and wondering what is keeping you showing up in the cold and dark week after week.
When I first joined the game in the fall of 2009, it was set up for the players to drive the action, which I think was probably a reaction against something from before my time. Aaron, the person writing the apology now, was actually the head storyteller at the time. As a new player, I was pretty much overlooked. Part of that was my own fault; I didn't go looking for help or attention. I was too nervous to even try. Another part was probably him and his staff trying to fix things for people who had gone through a lot of other problems and didn't have the energy left to spare to support the new people, I think. And since I don't like PvP, I was bored. There weren't any non-player antagonists or conflicts I saw to deal with and I just kind of muddled through, wondering why I was there. I had joined ECC for the Mage sphere, actually, and never expected to play Vampire. I probably wouldn't have if not for the interesting people and not having a ride that first night. It was for the people that I stayed on playing, but I kept hopping from character to character, trying to find something fun.
The staff changed after a few months and things got a bit more story driven, but it didn't trickle down to my level much. The other players ended up making it fun. The current HST was a big part of that at the time, actually. He promised me that if I stuck it out with the character I had, he'd make it fun for me. I played that character for over a year and retired her having achieved the goal I had set for her and never expected to accomplish. I respected that staff for all their clarifications and rules changes and attempts to be fair, but I still had basically nothing to do with staff. I didn't approach them and they didn't approach me and I played the game in my little corner.
And then there was the staff that Morgan was part of and that I was part of too at the very end. I know I'm not the only person whose had the strain of the player/staff divide on their relationship. Morgan worked really hard, but ended up frustrated a lot. He just wanted to tell stories that were fun for people but that wasn't what most of his time was spent on at all. I stepped up as the staff shrunk at the midway point of that staff's year and I was on staff when Aaron (they guy who wrote that) had that unsatisfying end to a character. And I hated him for how it went down and hated our HST for not being able to stand up to the players on both side of things and make it fair. And that wasn't fair on my part. Human, but certainly not fair. I have played with the people involved since then and had fun, but some things and some impressions tend to linger despite one's self. I apologize for my part in all of that. I'm not the sort to write in anger, but the things I didn't say and didn't do are as much a failure as anything else. The staff ended before its year was up and I ended it feeling like that failure. I almost didn't want to play after that, like so many staffs. I jumped right back in with the character I had put on hold, but things were never right with that character again and I spent a good chunk of time depressed by game. Morgan got to deal with some pretty miserable rants about feeling useless and sucking at all of this. And he listened admirably and then called me on my bullshit, but that's a side note.
The culture at ECC had gotten to a point where it was staff versus players, even though on an objective level, we all knew that the staff were players too any time but that year. It had been that way for longer than I have been playing and had become the expected norm. I don't know when it started and in the end, it doesn't matter. It had become that way. Staff fought players. Staff fought staff. Players fought players. A huge mess all around, though the game itself trucked on despite the drama and fun was had by most, if never by all.
Then Sean inherited the game from that aborted staff, the staff I was on, and set about clarifying EVERYTHING. They wrote down a codified set of rules. They assigned roles to the STs to make sure all areas were covered. Some of the STs were in charge of making sure new or neglected characters got story too, not just the loudest or the most powerful or the ones brave enough to ask. Other staffs had tried to do those sorts of things. Some even succeeded at parts of it. Sean's staff tried to do it all at once and somehow managed to pull it off despite the reluctance and pushback of the people they were working so hard to help. I was impressed. On a personal level, even if it was just small things, it was the first time that I had staff really run a plot just for me. Staff used to scare me honestly. I have problems dealing with people in authority. I was fine because a lot of the game could be played without talking to an ST, so long as the players got along and all, but I certainly didn't seek out plot or get ambitious because I didn't know how to talk to staff. For once, I was excited about looking for an ST at game and trying not to get greedy because I knew there were other easily forgotten players like me and I got a character killed by another player for the first time because I had earned it. And it was awesome.
That staff got thanked at the end. I hadn't seen that before and, in seeing that, I wondered why I hadn't seen it before. Why was this a big deal? Why wasn't thanking them for their hard work the normal thing? Why did we shit on people who were doing us a huge favor with nothing in exchange but the love of a game that being on staff was sure to poison at least a bit? Honestly, I'd love to see the thanking and positive support become the new expected norm between the whole community. We all get serious and emotional about this game at some point. It's a sign that the players, staff or not, are making a world come alive with their characters. Yet, we're still people and none of us have complete control over our emotions and sometimes we are dicks to people who don't deserve it. Or maybe to those who do deserve it at the moment but who really just need a chance to calm down, not to be antagonized.
Anyway, the point of all this is that it's nice to see the community beginning to change for the better. Just because the characters are stabbing each other in the back doesn't mean the players need to be. Just because we are playing out dramas doesn't mean we need to feed it outside the game. I want to be part of that change and do my part. And I have a lot of respect for the players who are taking steps to improve it, starting with Aaron and his apology. Really inspiring for people like me and restores a bit of my faith in this community.
Just my two cents and my impressions from my time at ECC.
(And it's a residual sign of how things have been for me that, after I wrote this, I almost didn't post it. But I did. Here's hoping it's received in the spirit it was written.)
It's interesting to see the game changing. Each staff takes on the game in different states with different goals and does the best they can. Like most elected politics, the staffs tend to be either a "let's continue things" platform after a good year or a "let's fix things" after a bad one. But even "bad years" happen for a reason and mean a lot of work for a lot of people. And a bad year for one player might be the best year for another. It's hard to keep that all in mind when you are in the middle of it though, frustrated or bored and wondering what is keeping you showing up in the cold and dark week after week.
When I first joined the game in the fall of 2009, it was set up for the players to drive the action, which I think was probably a reaction against something from before my time. Aaron, the person writing the apology now, was actually the head storyteller at the time. As a new player, I was pretty much overlooked. Part of that was my own fault; I didn't go looking for help or attention. I was too nervous to even try. Another part was probably him and his staff trying to fix things for people who had gone through a lot of other problems and didn't have the energy left to spare to support the new people, I think. And since I don't like PvP, I was bored. There weren't any non-player antagonists or conflicts I saw to deal with and I just kind of muddled through, wondering why I was there. I had joined ECC for the Mage sphere, actually, and never expected to play Vampire. I probably wouldn't have if not for the interesting people and not having a ride that first night. It was for the people that I stayed on playing, but I kept hopping from character to character, trying to find something fun.
The staff changed after a few months and things got a bit more story driven, but it didn't trickle down to my level much. The other players ended up making it fun. The current HST was a big part of that at the time, actually. He promised me that if I stuck it out with the character I had, he'd make it fun for me. I played that character for over a year and retired her having achieved the goal I had set for her and never expected to accomplish. I respected that staff for all their clarifications and rules changes and attempts to be fair, but I still had basically nothing to do with staff. I didn't approach them and they didn't approach me and I played the game in my little corner.
And then there was the staff that Morgan was part of and that I was part of too at the very end. I know I'm not the only person whose had the strain of the player/staff divide on their relationship. Morgan worked really hard, but ended up frustrated a lot. He just wanted to tell stories that were fun for people but that wasn't what most of his time was spent on at all. I stepped up as the staff shrunk at the midway point of that staff's year and I was on staff when Aaron (they guy who wrote that) had that unsatisfying end to a character. And I hated him for how it went down and hated our HST for not being able to stand up to the players on both side of things and make it fair. And that wasn't fair on my part. Human, but certainly not fair. I have played with the people involved since then and had fun, but some things and some impressions tend to linger despite one's self. I apologize for my part in all of that. I'm not the sort to write in anger, but the things I didn't say and didn't do are as much a failure as anything else. The staff ended before its year was up and I ended it feeling like that failure. I almost didn't want to play after that, like so many staffs. I jumped right back in with the character I had put on hold, but things were never right with that character again and I spent a good chunk of time depressed by game. Morgan got to deal with some pretty miserable rants about feeling useless and sucking at all of this. And he listened admirably and then called me on my bullshit, but that's a side note.
The culture at ECC had gotten to a point where it was staff versus players, even though on an objective level, we all knew that the staff were players too any time but that year. It had been that way for longer than I have been playing and had become the expected norm. I don't know when it started and in the end, it doesn't matter. It had become that way. Staff fought players. Staff fought staff. Players fought players. A huge mess all around, though the game itself trucked on despite the drama and fun was had by most, if never by all.
Then Sean inherited the game from that aborted staff, the staff I was on, and set about clarifying EVERYTHING. They wrote down a codified set of rules. They assigned roles to the STs to make sure all areas were covered. Some of the STs were in charge of making sure new or neglected characters got story too, not just the loudest or the most powerful or the ones brave enough to ask. Other staffs had tried to do those sorts of things. Some even succeeded at parts of it. Sean's staff tried to do it all at once and somehow managed to pull it off despite the reluctance and pushback of the people they were working so hard to help. I was impressed. On a personal level, even if it was just small things, it was the first time that I had staff really run a plot just for me. Staff used to scare me honestly. I have problems dealing with people in authority. I was fine because a lot of the game could be played without talking to an ST, so long as the players got along and all, but I certainly didn't seek out plot or get ambitious because I didn't know how to talk to staff. For once, I was excited about looking for an ST at game and trying not to get greedy because I knew there were other easily forgotten players like me and I got a character killed by another player for the first time because I had earned it. And it was awesome.
That staff got thanked at the end. I hadn't seen that before and, in seeing that, I wondered why I hadn't seen it before. Why was this a big deal? Why wasn't thanking them for their hard work the normal thing? Why did we shit on people who were doing us a huge favor with nothing in exchange but the love of a game that being on staff was sure to poison at least a bit? Honestly, I'd love to see the thanking and positive support become the new expected norm between the whole community. We all get serious and emotional about this game at some point. It's a sign that the players, staff or not, are making a world come alive with their characters. Yet, we're still people and none of us have complete control over our emotions and sometimes we are dicks to people who don't deserve it. Or maybe to those who do deserve it at the moment but who really just need a chance to calm down, not to be antagonized.
Anyway, the point of all this is that it's nice to see the community beginning to change for the better. Just because the characters are stabbing each other in the back doesn't mean the players need to be. Just because we are playing out dramas doesn't mean we need to feed it outside the game. I want to be part of that change and do my part. And I have a lot of respect for the players who are taking steps to improve it, starting with Aaron and his apology. Really inspiring for people like me and restores a bit of my faith in this community.
Just my two cents and my impressions from my time at ECC.
(And it's a residual sign of how things have been for me that, after I wrote this, I almost didn't post it. But I did. Here's hoping it's received in the spirit it was written.)
