You Game Like A Girl

[Bubba Kush]

As a new Gangrel, I had to prove myself to the Seattle clan packs or else submit myself to an invasion of the self that no animal would tolerate. So I puffed up, appeared threatening, and aggressively waded into the debate. The Thing was getting a bit primal when a more genteel lady of our Clan spoke.

"Threats of violence? Is that what we've come down to? I don't understand because-"

"Because you're a woman," I finished rather menacingly.

***

This was part of a scene I was in with my new character, Bubba Kush, several weeks ago (paraphrased). A punk rocker from the band Sexual Assault Rifle, Bubba is a fun character because he's a great anti-hero (perhaps heel?).

But I felt this immense sense of shame when Bubba expressed that threatening sexism. I didn't know the player OOC, but I became severely concerned about whether or not this sentiment reflected upon Jeremiah the flesh & blood or Bubba the undead monster.

I've spent years playing and running Larps. Some of my past characters have committed horrible acts: mass murder, infanticide, terrorism, and even sexual assault. Horror and drama can cover a lot of dark subject matter, and there's nothing wrong with this art.

However, in the present atmosphere I feel very uncomfortable as a male participant. I've seen a lot of dismissal about the gender dynamic in this game, and specifically a lot of callousness regarding sensitivity over rape. I don't think this is intentional, at worst I think it's naive carelessness, but what makes it so uncomfortable is the resistance people have put up in response.

As a proud owner of a penis,I don't want to be lumped together with the assholes who perpetuate this culture. It's awkward and it interferes with the art of Larp. I know the Malk Simone hates gays but I trust her player does not hold those beliefs. In my situation, I feel less confident to make character and story decisions because a few jerks are ruining it OOC.

So here are my suggestions:

*Change your language. For example, stop calling Dominate "Mind Rape". Frankly, as an artist, you're just bring lame grabbing this catch-all term (Christopher Nolan made a massive movie exploring one use of Dominate, surely you're smart enough for more than two words?).

*Retire the phrase "crying rape". Aesop spoke of the shepherd boy who cried wolf, and if you don't know the story I won't ruin the ending for you. It's patronizing and chauvinistic to steal ancient parables to try and"teach" the women-folk not to raise "false alarms"/"inconveniences to game".

*No means no. Someone says stop, you stop. Period. This especially applies to any Larp and even if we didn't have the fade-to-black clause, almost every game core I have ever read repeats this simple mantra: if someone is uncomfortable, it ends. I've had my real infant brother die and I'm personally uncomfortable with scenes that bring that subject matter up. But that shouldn't matter, as soon as I say "Stop, I want to fade to black" you fade to black. Period.

*This is about respect, not free speech. Most importantly, this is an issue of respect. The aim here is not to abolish the word rape, far from it. Getting beaten at a game of cards or losing your Status is not rape. Rape is rape, and the heinous meaning behind the word needs no other comparison. Use word tactfully and not so callously. This isn't an infringement on free speech, but a shifting of social norms. There are some words we don't say out of respect, subject matters too. There are words/slurs/fictional scenarios that could get me disciplined or even banned from this forum. Hell,I think our mostly-white group would be too scared to call someone niggardly.

***

I really don't care about punishment, who did what,etc. I really don't. I just want this to stop so that we may all commit these horrible words and deeds in-character, faded at the participants' discretions.

Some say these are women's issues. I can tell them where to shove it.

[Ophelia Tempest]

+1

Also, I'd like to point out, because there's a lot of disgusting sexism in this whole situation:

I know a large portion of our male players have experienced a form of rape. Stop making them the bad guys, and women the victims, every time. I assure you, the roles are reversible and that this has been blatantly ignored hurts me.

Women tell rape jokes, too. The number of people in the email thread who spoke up on the side of 'pro-humor when not in a public setting' that were women were a majority. The fact this is being so hyper focused on men being the 'perpetrators' is bothering me.

The original email started with a "1 in 4 women have been raped. 1 in 16 men are rapists." An email was sent saying that it was sad because girls had to get training and lessons on how to not get raped, while sons only had to be told, "don't rape."


At our game, I'd guess that vague statistic (is that over a certain period of time? in a certain area?) is at least 3 in 4, while at least 1 in 2 of our males have experienced the same. I won't stay quiet while our men are made to be the bad guys :/

Also, I'd like to make a public service announcement that this is not the appropriate way to handle our children. You should be spending the same amount of time to speak to your son on why not to rape (legal ramifications, psychological damage to a woman, etc) as well as how to avoid rape himself.

C'mon people. Protect our men too <3

[Bubba Kush]

Good point, nice addendum.

[The Mouth]

I have a nephew with autism that I've been helping to raise for 12 years. One of the lovely facts of a kid with a communication disorder going into puberty: How do ladies and dudes or dudes and dudes (Possible combos, nothing against the folks with Gender ID issues, but that is just one too many pancakes on the stack of pancake issues for this kid, right now) - How do they communicate through hormones? Seriously, this kid is at high risk for all sorts of ugly things done to him by terrible people.

One of my deepest fears is that he will try to be a funny man and say the wrong thing at the wrong time. That could haunt him for years, much less get him booted from school.

I find myself in the awkward position of trying to explain 'how to be safe' and 'do not rape' to a kid who is fundamentally not equipped with the capacity for communication in the way that most of the 'neurotypical' community is. I get both of Toni's chats to her kids; not trying to one up just stating where my reality is at. But it is what it is, so awkward chats away! Also, language therapy.

I get what Toni is trying to say with that. I get she has 'big feelings' (used by language therapist to indicate emotional flooding, not a minimalization) regarding the subject. I respect that.

Personally, I like it when characters work the edgy side; so long as the player has their 'disavow moment' - See Ross for probably the best 60 seconds of 'My character is an asshole, I am not.' I think that is a good way forward.

[Jansth]

(breaking forum silence for an important subject to Francis)

I work with a lot of people with developmental disabilities, many of them have been victims, and some of them have been attackers. There are definitely a lot of challenges there. The problem with those I know, most of them know what is wrong and right, but they lack the strength or ability to defend themselves. Or they have other disabilities that prevent them from controlling their actions.

that's not to say it is impossible, with the right education as well as the correct support plan, it is possible to keep them safe or keep them from hurting others, but the issue isn't unique to people with autism or any other disability, healthy people obviously suffer the tame weaknesses.

It is a never ending job to keep people safe from each other and from ourselves.

[The Mouth]

Granted. And holy crap I know my boy gets resources and support like few do. Oddly enough language therapy has helped my whole family communicate and has drastically changed how we approach each other.

So of my discussion points have come out of that.

Right now, just a fear, not a reality. Doing what I can to keep it that way.

- Ben