Post by Valerie on Jan 29, 2014 11:26:39 GMT -8
This is a copy of an email I just sent to the Vampire staff. In the the interests of discussion and transparent communication with regards to discipline & why game so desperately needs to be a Safe Space, I'm reposting it here.
Dear Vampire Staff,
I did not plan to write a letter when I decided to take a break from game, but AST Joh has assured me he wants all comers in terms of viewpoints on this situation, so here it goes.
First, to formally introduce myself: I'm Sarah, most people at game call me Sarahzon. I've been playing at EC for 10 years, starting when I was 17, and knew all of 2 people in Seattle - both of them EC players at the time. In those 10 years I've rolled at least as many characters and NPCs for 4 out of the 5 spheres. When Ross started up the first Sabbat game, I was one of his ASTs. I've also been a Vampire AST, Paper Table, and Werewolf HST. I incorporated NOTR - I was the first President & Treasurer: Kaine wrote most of the bylaws, but I took your money to the bank every month and recruited people to roll your quarters.
I've come to game on Christmas Eve. I've come to game, hobbling around on a cane, less than 72 hours after having a hole drilled in my spine. I have crawled around the Prop Shop, donated my money and goods and time to your causes, and taken wayward folks from game into my home. The vast majority of people I know in this city I know through the EC community, because you were literally the only fun, safe place I had to go on Saturday nights a 17-year-old gamer living on her own in a big city.
I am not telling you all this because I am under some illusion that my EC CV entitles me to special treatment. It doesn't. I do hope, however, that it gives you some idea as to how invested in improving this community I am and what I've done to that end - because with the exception of Joh, you're all strangers to me.
Now, to the meat of what this is all about: and first, a disclaimer.
I do NOT think any of you are terrible people. I do NOT think being comfortable with rape jokes is tantamount to rape, and am bothered by people who would make that claim. I do NOT think you are intentionally trying to damage this community.
I do, however, believe that the punishment which Toni is subjected to is unduly harsh and does a lot to damage the web of EC. Here's why:
People who felt offended by Toni's words have absolutely every right to be offended. Nobody can tell another person how they can feel, or what's allowed to bother them. However, by punishing her with a 12 week ban from EC - the strictest punishment that any sphere has ever leveled against a player - what I am hearing is this: "The hurt feelings on our end re: your tone (other PAs/staff) are objectively greater than the hurt feelings re: rape jokes (original complainant/Toni)." This is especially bothersome to see immediately on the heels of another player running up and down the boards with rants and raves over another topic entirely, intentionally insulting people left and right, being vindictive with seemingly no consequence.
I think this is the incorrect course of action because it amounts to gaslighting and tone-policing regarding an issue that many players of all genders are concerned about - being safe to be who they are at game. By removing Toni from the support of her at-game community, it places the desires of some people to make light of rape over the need of players who don't wish to have a flashback or panic attack at game over something they cannot control.
Telling players they cannot joke about sexual assault or use hate speech at game will not inherently damage the people who can't say those things anymore. For them, it is a comfort issue. They may be less comfortable at game if they are being asked not to say certain things. This is not censoring the players, because you are not the government. This is simply making a rule and enforcing that rule. We have rules everywhere. I know game is a huge part of life for a large number of attendees and something people look forward to all week. It sucks to have to put rules on it. But, like a lot of the other rules we have, this is a small change in behavior that results in making a lot of people happier, healthier, and safer. It's like why people can't smoke directly by the door, but for feelings.
There are plenty of other places where making light of this abuse may be perfectly acceptable in those people's everyday lives - even when hanging out with their friends from game. It does not, however, have a place AT game. The risk for actual damage is simply too great. 20% of women and 3% of men will be raped in their lifetime. It pains me to see this community so many of us have built as a place to go, drop your emotional armor, and be something else contribute to the feeling that rape, sexual assault, and domestic abuse are things to be joked about.
Less than half of rapes are reported to the proper authorities. With every "Shh... just let it happen." or "You really got ass raped on that one, guy." we are contributing to a culture where this continues to be the norm. Sexual assault and joking about sexual assault are obviously not the same thing, but by talking about it in a joking way, we subconsciously give that abhorrent behavior a pass in the eyes of victims because it's something we can laugh at.
Please reconsider the message you are sending to the player base with your actions. I implore you to change course and take action that places the safety of all game attendees above the comfort of the subset of players who feel that the ability to joke about rape & sexual assault in a public space is something they are entitled to. I am obviously passionate about this and am more than willing to help if you'd like assistance in drafting a Safe Space Policy.
Otherwise: until such a time that this issue is addressed, both in a manner that is respectful to all players and with an apology given for staff's mishandling of this situation, I will no longer be choosing to spend my time & resources on this group.
Thank you for your time,
Sarah
Dear Vampire Staff,
I did not plan to write a letter when I decided to take a break from game, but AST Joh has assured me he wants all comers in terms of viewpoints on this situation, so here it goes.
First, to formally introduce myself: I'm Sarah, most people at game call me Sarahzon. I've been playing at EC for 10 years, starting when I was 17, and knew all of 2 people in Seattle - both of them EC players at the time. In those 10 years I've rolled at least as many characters and NPCs for 4 out of the 5 spheres. When Ross started up the first Sabbat game, I was one of his ASTs. I've also been a Vampire AST, Paper Table, and Werewolf HST. I incorporated NOTR - I was the first President & Treasurer: Kaine wrote most of the bylaws, but I took your money to the bank every month and recruited people to roll your quarters.
I've come to game on Christmas Eve. I've come to game, hobbling around on a cane, less than 72 hours after having a hole drilled in my spine. I have crawled around the Prop Shop, donated my money and goods and time to your causes, and taken wayward folks from game into my home. The vast majority of people I know in this city I know through the EC community, because you were literally the only fun, safe place I had to go on Saturday nights a 17-year-old gamer living on her own in a big city.
I am not telling you all this because I am under some illusion that my EC CV entitles me to special treatment. It doesn't. I do hope, however, that it gives you some idea as to how invested in improving this community I am and what I've done to that end - because with the exception of Joh, you're all strangers to me.
Now, to the meat of what this is all about: and first, a disclaimer.
I do NOT think any of you are terrible people. I do NOT think being comfortable with rape jokes is tantamount to rape, and am bothered by people who would make that claim. I do NOT think you are intentionally trying to damage this community.
I do, however, believe that the punishment which Toni is subjected to is unduly harsh and does a lot to damage the web of EC. Here's why:
People who felt offended by Toni's words have absolutely every right to be offended. Nobody can tell another person how they can feel, or what's allowed to bother them. However, by punishing her with a 12 week ban from EC - the strictest punishment that any sphere has ever leveled against a player - what I am hearing is this: "The hurt feelings on our end re: your tone (other PAs/staff) are objectively greater than the hurt feelings re: rape jokes (original complainant/Toni)." This is especially bothersome to see immediately on the heels of another player running up and down the boards with rants and raves over another topic entirely, intentionally insulting people left and right, being vindictive with seemingly no consequence.
I think this is the incorrect course of action because it amounts to gaslighting and tone-policing regarding an issue that many players of all genders are concerned about - being safe to be who they are at game. By removing Toni from the support of her at-game community, it places the desires of some people to make light of rape over the need of players who don't wish to have a flashback or panic attack at game over something they cannot control.
Telling players they cannot joke about sexual assault or use hate speech at game will not inherently damage the people who can't say those things anymore. For them, it is a comfort issue. They may be less comfortable at game if they are being asked not to say certain things. This is not censoring the players, because you are not the government. This is simply making a rule and enforcing that rule. We have rules everywhere. I know game is a huge part of life for a large number of attendees and something people look forward to all week. It sucks to have to put rules on it. But, like a lot of the other rules we have, this is a small change in behavior that results in making a lot of people happier, healthier, and safer. It's like why people can't smoke directly by the door, but for feelings.
There are plenty of other places where making light of this abuse may be perfectly acceptable in those people's everyday lives - even when hanging out with their friends from game. It does not, however, have a place AT game. The risk for actual damage is simply too great. 20% of women and 3% of men will be raped in their lifetime. It pains me to see this community so many of us have built as a place to go, drop your emotional armor, and be something else contribute to the feeling that rape, sexual assault, and domestic abuse are things to be joked about.
Less than half of rapes are reported to the proper authorities. With every "Shh... just let it happen." or "You really got ass raped on that one, guy." we are contributing to a culture where this continues to be the norm. Sexual assault and joking about sexual assault are obviously not the same thing, but by talking about it in a joking way, we subconsciously give that abhorrent behavior a pass in the eyes of victims because it's something we can laugh at.
Please reconsider the message you are sending to the player base with your actions. I implore you to change course and take action that places the safety of all game attendees above the comfort of the subset of players who feel that the ability to joke about rape & sexual assault in a public space is something they are entitled to. I am obviously passionate about this and am more than willing to help if you'd like assistance in drafting a Safe Space Policy.
Otherwise: until such a time that this issue is addressed, both in a manner that is respectful to all players and with an apology given for staff's mishandling of this situation, I will no longer be choosing to spend my time & resources on this group.
Thank you for your time,
Sarah
