Post by Janet on Apr 28, 2005 20:24:07 GMT -8
Tuesday, April 26th, 4am
Another balled piece of paper landed in the fire. Green eyes watched it catch to flame and for a brief moment, the thought of how easy it would be.....
Red curls bounced as she shook her head violently. She had to see this to the end, at the very least. That end might be her own end, but she still felt hers was long past. She did not fear the concept, but she had a habit of avoiding it.
Her attention turned back to the paper in front of her. She pushed it away. She was still in far too much turmoil to think clearly on this.
She wanted to call him, but she did not wish to lay this burden upon him. He had more to worry about than some silly girl bawling about losing someone when it isn't completely known how lost.
But she wasn't some silly girl. She was an Elder, and she had on numerous occasions reached inside to find strength when she found it lacking. Why couldn't she do that now? What was so very different about this that left her unable to maintain composure for more than a handful of moments? Granted, it was better than only a few days ago, but she was going to need to be extremely careful when she attended Elysium this weekend. The Malkavians were to present their holding, and it would be quite improper for her to miss it.
This could get to be too much for her to handle. Lady E was aware of the situation, and it meant that His Highness had also been informed. It did affect His domain and His Clan, after all. They could contact her if they needed to, they had her new phone number.
While she hoped they would contact her, she also hoped they would not. They would expect her to be able to maintain composure flawlessly, yet another thing she was currently incapable of. Could they understand? She somehow doubted either of them came from such family oriented origins as hers. It wouldn't matter if they could understand. She doubted they would care more than enough to say "sorry for your loss".
She stopped her thoughts abruptly. These nights were making her bitter. This was a state she preferred to avoid, as with it could come loss to her humanity. She wasn't sure she could prevent it, though.
She straightened a little and closed her eyes. It took a moment, but she reached deep into herself and pulled at that undescribable thing that brought her a little bit of bouyancy. She managed to gain a scrap of it, and for a few moments, she felt like she at least outwardly looked like herself. But, the Beast raged under everything, and she lost her tenuous grip. Once she lost that grasp, and sagged, the Beast quieted to the constant murmur it had been since she had spoken with Archon Lucas.
Even it felt as though it were defeated somehow. It kept her dragged down, and uncaring of anything but this one concern. This was unlike her under any circumstance she had been through before. She could not help but wonder if this was how her Sire felt when it was said she was destroyed. From how it was described to her by several others, it likely was.
She had to get through this, and she knew she would. It would just take time. The key was to find something to focus on, something that would take this from her mind for at least a little while.
lyrics ~ Anna Nalick - Breathe#nosmileys#nosmileys
Another balled piece of paper landed in the fire. Green eyes watched it catch to flame and for a brief moment, the thought of how easy it would be.....
Red curls bounced as she shook her head violently. She had to see this to the end, at the very least. That end might be her own end, but she still felt hers was long past. She did not fear the concept, but she had a habit of avoiding it.
Her attention turned back to the paper in front of her. She pushed it away. She was still in far too much turmoil to think clearly on this.
She wanted to call him, but she did not wish to lay this burden upon him. He had more to worry about than some silly girl bawling about losing someone when it isn't completely known how lost.
But she wasn't some silly girl. She was an Elder, and she had on numerous occasions reached inside to find strength when she found it lacking. Why couldn't she do that now? What was so very different about this that left her unable to maintain composure for more than a handful of moments? Granted, it was better than only a few days ago, but she was going to need to be extremely careful when she attended Elysium this weekend. The Malkavians were to present their holding, and it would be quite improper for her to miss it.
No you can't jump the tracks
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass
Glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass
Glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe
This could get to be too much for her to handle. Lady E was aware of the situation, and it meant that His Highness had also been informed. It did affect His domain and His Clan, after all. They could contact her if they needed to, they had her new phone number.
While she hoped they would contact her, she also hoped they would not. They would expect her to be able to maintain composure flawlessly, yet another thing she was currently incapable of. Could they understand? She somehow doubted either of them came from such family oriented origins as hers. It wouldn't matter if they could understand. She doubted they would care more than enough to say "sorry for your loss".
She stopped her thoughts abruptly. These nights were making her bitter. This was a state she preferred to avoid, as with it could come loss to her humanity. She wasn't sure she could prevent it, though.
She straightened a little and closed her eyes. It took a moment, but she reached deep into herself and pulled at that undescribable thing that brought her a little bit of bouyancy. She managed to gain a scrap of it, and for a few moments, she felt like she at least outwardly looked like herself. But, the Beast raged under everything, and she lost her tenuous grip. Once she lost that grasp, and sagged, the Beast quieted to the constant murmur it had been since she had spoken with Archon Lucas.
Even it felt as though it were defeated somehow. It kept her dragged down, and uncaring of anything but this one concern. This was unlike her under any circumstance she had been through before. She could not help but wonder if this was how her Sire felt when it was said she was destroyed. From how it was described to her by several others, it likely was.
She had to get through this, and she knew she would. It would just take time. The key was to find something to focus on, something that would take this from her mind for at least a little while.
lyrics ~ Anna Nalick - Breathe#nosmileys#nosmileys
